The Busy Pagan

Don't let the line under the blog title fool you:  While I may feel spiritually starved, it's not because I don't place my spirituality as an important priority within my life.  I try to integrate my spirituality very firmly in my life even if I hardly ever seem to have the time, energy, etc. to do what I want to in order to further my growth beyond what it is.  And?  I'm not going to lie: I feel kinda stunted.  For someone who's been a Pagan for the better part of 10 years, I haven't progressed very much beyond book learning.  Which is sad.  Really sad.  For me, anyway.  I know I'm not the only Pagan to be in this particular place.

I have quite a bit of book knowledge as well as knowledge that, basically, are my own conclusions based off what I've learned.  But, as anyone knows, you can be book-learned to the Nth degree but that doesn't make one practiced.

I can read books galore as to how to perform a heart surgery but does that make me qualified to do so?  Nuh uh.

This isn't my first Pagan blog here on Blogger.  I used to have The Journey of a Pagan Mommy blog.  But my life has changed a lot in the months since I last wrote in it (and I just deleted that blog today) and it felt to me that I needed a new start.  I felt as though trying to go back to that blog would be like keeping a tie to the life that I just left behind and I have no interest in maintaining that tie.

Also the fact that my former blog had encouraged a narrow focus on only one aspect of my life, I wanted to embrace a format that I could feel comfortable in writing about EVERYTHING.

Have you ever been on a message board where there where the Topic Police that would squelch you in a split second if they felt that you talked about anything that was even an iota Off Topic?

I kinda felt that way personally with my last blog, and I know that's stupid.  The only one restricting me was me.  But still.  I wanted a fresh start and to start with something where I could feel more open to write about everything going on.  My college classes, parenting my children and trying to raise them in Paganism, my personal daily struggles to incorporate Paganism into my life and to try to progress beyond the Beginner level of practice.

Where my life was at with my last blog, I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall.  I had even found a family-oriented coven in the area that I had BADLY wanted to join and, for whatever reason, they seemed welcoming at first and then they turned around and shunned me and my family.  They had claimed that because I was involved with the local DHS (as in I was a client) and they had people that worked at DHS that could get fired if it was found that they were socializing with clients outside of work that they could be fired.

The people who commented on that post as well as my boyfriend, Druid, were quite confused at that and some even called bullshit.  Hell.  After a while I did too.  But, whatever.  Beyond memories, it is long past being irrelevant.

Now I have been able to leave just about everything bad from my old life behind.  Oh don't get me wrong, things aren't sunshine and rainbows.  There are still some things that I'm currently having to deal with that are EXTREMELY stressful.  But being that I've gotten to come to a better place and I feel like I can start healing, I have better faith that we'll make it through this crap somehow and we're going to be ok.

I'll just REALLY feel better when it all is completely behind me.

And in the spirit of starting anew, I'm signing this blog up for the Pagan Blog Project 2012.  I've already missed the first 2 weeks, but I can still do the entries for them even if they can't be counted and submit an entry for Week 3.

I want to do something to try to bring my spirituality to a more centralized focus.  That is my problem.  I'm a flibbertigibbet Gemini/Taurus who has time management problems as well as self-discipline issues.  And I know that, without those tools, I'm not going to be a very effective Witch.