The Busy Pagan

It's rather ridiculous, I know.  I didn't really write in this blog much before I stopped and yet I can't really fathom coming back to it.  I just started a new blog which I hope to do FAR better on.  If, by some chance, you still would like to follow me on my new blog, please find me here:

http://writingpaganmom.blogspot.com/

I'm a little nervous about writing about this one as I fear it might be a little bit of a pot-boiler, but discrimination is a rather heavy topic not just in Paganism but in so many aspects in the world.  There's too many forms of discrimination to even be able to write about in a single blog post, so I'm going to focus on one that has troubled me the most as of late.

Please know that I don't expect everyone to agree with me but please don't flame me.  And please also know that what I'm about to say is not meant to bash or to flame anyone either though I worry I might come across that way.

A very large controversy within the Pagan community of late was brought about by a ritual that was protested at PantheaCon.  I know, I know.  I can already hear the groans.  Mind you, I was not there, but what I have read about it has disturbed and saddened me very deeply.

Basically, I don't agree with what happened at PantheaCon.  I don't agree with someone who's going to hold a women-only ritual and then insist that transwomen are not allowed.  I fully agree with and respect a ritual designed to help a woman heal and what not, but cis women aren't the only women who need healing.  So much of what transgender people go through simply because they have the nerve to try to become the opposite gender of what they were born is appalling!  Come on!  Look at the huge rabble-rousing that happened when Chaz Bono was on "Dancing With The Stars".  That got the One Million Moms group up in arms with a huge twist in their knickers!

So when this issue arose at PantheaCon and I saw that the ritual was announced as a healing ritual for women, I initially was pissed that it was being protested.  Why the hell would ANYONE protest a ritual like that?  Then I saw that while it advertised being for ALL women, Z Budapest's definition of "all women" was narrowed only to those who was actually born with a vagina.

Wow.

So am I to understand that transwomen don't count as women?  Really?

I have had the privilege of being acquainted with a transwoman; we'll just call her K.  She is a very dear friend of one of my dear friends named Lyra.  She is planning on having her surgery soon, but to look at her?  I can't tell that she ever was a man.  When I first started getting acquainted with K, she was introduced to me as a woman.  I saw pictures of her she looked like a woman.  She had the figure of a woman, her face was soft-looking and feminine and she just had that VERY FEMININE energy about her.  So when we first became friends on LiveJournal and I started finding out more about her, I was actually very surprised to find that she was born as a man.

I seriously had to process that information for a bit.  I mean, I can't say that she's the prettiest woman I've ever seen, but that had nothing to do with it.  She just looked so much like a woman that I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that, genetically, she wasn't.

Hell, my friend who introduced us has even told me that K is even more girly than she is!  Despite the fact that she currently has the male equipment between her legs, K is VERY MUCH a woman.

So when I saw the uproar about PantheaCon and I found out more about the protest (my most detailed information came from Lupa's LiveJournal as she was actually there for the protest; you can read her account of it at Lupa's LiveJournal if you haven't already) I found myself feeling very disgusted and, quite honestly, angry.

I pictured K being there at PantheaCon and being barred from a ritual that, by rights, she should have been able to participate.  But no, instead, she would have been rebuffed because she made the mortal sin of being born with a penis.  Do not misunderstand me, K was not there.  It was just crossing my mind what she would have gone through had she been there and wanting to attend that ritual.

K has been through A LOT.  You KNOW that it cannot be an easy thing to feel in your heart and soul that you were born into the wrong gender when you feel so deep down to the marrow that you were supposed to be the opposite.  I really cannot even imagine how hard that must be.  I'm a female, was born that way, and I have no gender dysphoria of feeling that I should be a man.  No, it's not easy being a woman, but at least I already am and don't have to go through any changes to become what I feel I am.

This is the battle that K and so many other transgender people are going through.  And, on top of that, there's the psychological and emotional damage that can occur when people find out.  Some transgender people have also suffered physical violence because of this.  I really can't even find the appropriate enough words to try to convey what these people go through.

And then here you have Paganism which, though I know it's not perfect, is supposed to be far more accepting of people and their differences.  I know that the Dianic tradition is almost entirely female-biased and I don't mean that insultingly.  I can respect the Dianics for bolstering the power of women, for healing them of wrongs that have been done, etc.  I really can.   But what I cannot personally respect is when a Dianic ritual excludes transwomen from participating.

To quote Lupa:  I have absolutely no problem with cis-women-only rituals. What I have a problem with is when a ritual that is purported to be for "all women" or, in the case of Z's ritual, "the beauty and grace of the feminine form in all of her infinite variety", is limited to cis women only. This exclusion of trans women from rituals stated to be for ALL women invalidates trans women's identities AS WOMEN. It is NOT enough that trans people have their own trans-centric rituals and spaces, though these have great value to many trans people. "Transgender" is not a third sex separate from "men" and "women". A transgender woman is a woman, and if your ritual is specifically stated to be for ALL women, then you need to include ALL women, cis and trans.

I find that statement, "the beauty and grace of the feminine form in all of her infinite variety", to be very oxymoronic.  If this ritual was for that, then by locking out transwomen, that is saying that the beauty and grace of the feminine form is not so infinite, thereby locking the Goddess into a box.  They're saying that, though transwomen identify as female, there's no possible way that the Feminine Divine could be shown through them.  Why?  Because they have a penis.

This quote by Z Budapest herself on Anya Kless' blog about the Lilith Rite last year basically says that very thing:  “This struggle has been going since the Women’s Mysteries first appeared. These individuals selfishly never think about the following: if women allow men to be incorporated into Dianic Mysteries,What will women own on their own? Nothing! Again! Transies who attack us only care about themselves. We women need our own culture, our own resourcing, our own traditions. You can tell these are men, They don’t care if women loose the Only tradition reclaimed after much research and practice ,the Dianic Tradition. Men simply want in. its their will. How dare us women not let them in and give away the ONLY spiritual home we have! Men want to worship the Goddess? Why not put in the WORK and create your own trads. The order of ATTIS for example,(dormant since the 4rth century) used to be for trans gendered people, also the castrata, men who castrated themselves to be more like the Goddess. Why are we the ONLY tradition they want? Go Gardnerian!Go Druid! Go Ecclectic! Filled with women, and men. They would fit fine. But if you claim to be one of us, you have to have sometimes in your life a womb, and overies and MOON bleed and not die. Women are born not made by men on operating tables.“

I find such a statement to be .... just...... so disheartening.  To view the desired allowance of transwomen into a women-only ritual as though it's this big conspiracy of the male gender to take over "the only spiritual home they have" is just flat-out preposterous.


It is here that I must quote my earlier-mentioned friend, Lyra, which she wrote on her LJ:  "I think everyone here knows that, in my opinion, genitalia does not equal gender. Just because a person is born with a vagina doesn't make them a woman, and being born with a penis doesn't make you a guy. If you identify as a woman, then you are a woman--there is no question of that in my mind. This is actually such a firmly held belief of mine, that I find it hard to understand how or why someone would think otherwise.

Dianic Wicca (as I understand it) is comprised of female practitioners. The disclaimer in all of this is I am not Wiccan, nor do I know much about Dianic Wicca. So, then, I don't understand why a transwoman would be turned away from attending a public event that is for Dianic Wiccans. Transwomen are women, and they aren't any less of a woman than someone born with a vagina is. Why then would they be excluded for an event that's for women?

Perhaps my view of this comes from interaction with a few different transwomen. Their energy is incredibly feminine--I can't say I've ever met a transwoman (either IRL or online--and I've been around them both ways) who had any masculine energy. And since witchcraft (and/or Wicca) works with energy, I have a really hard time understanding why a woman--any woman--would be barred from such an event. Especially when they have such feminine energy."

 That last statement throws it all into perfect relief.  Transwomen do not have a masculine energy.  K does not have any masculine energy. To look at her you would think she was born a female.  I definitely thought she was until I read otherwise.  Again, you might remember me mentioning my surprise?

In my personal opinion, I think transgender people are a perfect lesson in the energies of the gods and goddesses and how genetic gender is not a factor in how their energies can work through us.

To see someone like K be able to so beautifully embody the Feminine Divine despite the genitalia she was born with just goes to show that, unlike Dianics like Z Budapest, the Goddess is no respecter of gender and that she is quite capable of working through the genetic male or female who wishes to tap into the feminine powers.

Same goes for the masculine.  Chaz Bono has such a masculine energy despite the fact that he was born into a female body.  When I look at Chaz, I see someone who has a definite masculine energy and I can still see some of the feminine energy working through.  But that's just me.  Whether anyone else sees the touch of the feminine working through, Chaz Bono is quite obviously a man.  Genetic gender doesn't matter.


Earlier I mentioned Anya Kless' blog to which Z had made her reply.  You should really read the whole thing.  She is a priestess of Lilith and she offered some wonderful views in regards to the Lilith Rite at last year's PantheaCon where transwomen were also turned away.  So were men, but many people had showed up to the Lilith Rite without any indication that it was desired to be a women-only event.

All in all, I have no quarrel with there being gender-specific rituals and events such as men-only or women-only.  I view those times as no different than there being boys- and girls-nights-out.  Those times of ritual and fellowship can be a very sacred and much-needed time of just bonding with those of the same gender.

What I disagree with is the discrimination and exclusion of transgender people.  As I said, it's already hard enough on them that they can't identify with their genetic gender, it makes it even worse when those of the gender they do identify don't accept them either.

They need to be loved, accepted, and welcomed amongst their sisters and brothers.  It doesn't matter what gender they are genetically or what gender they see themselves as.  They DESERVE to be welcomed among those of their perceived gender, they DESERVE to be safe and loved. 

I fully believe that there must be a happy medium found.

I do understand that there were some people at this year's rite who have been victims of rape and abuse who felt that they would not be comfortable with seeing a woman in there with a penis.  I do understand that, believe it or not.  However, I do not feel that that is a good enough reason to make transwomen pay for the crimes put upon them by men.  I do not feel that that is any excuse to treat transwomen as though they're not real women.

I saw one blog post by this woman who had attended the ritual and I wish for the life of me I could remember where it was I'd seen it, but basically she was a survivor of rape and abuse and, as aforementioned, she was one who was not comfortable with the idea of seeing a penis present in the ritual.  Bless her, but I wanted to cry for her because even as she wrote out her feelings, she expressed feeling so terrible for even feeling that way.  This poor woman still has a lot of healing needed.  Just reading her words made it quite apparent that she has a lot of wounds and scars to work through.

To quote my friend Lyra again:  "On the topic of the whole rape/abuse thing...I would think being surrounded by women, yet having THAT present could be healing. It could show them that not everyone who has that intends to use it to harm people, plus it could get them used to being around that again."

I very much agree with that.  However, I also understand that some women such as the one I mentioned might not be ready for such a step.  I very much understand that.

So what solution might there be for a happy medium where all can be comfortable and where transwomen would not be excluded?

Perhaps at some point it could be arranged for there to be two Healing Women rituals planned.  One for those that are like the woman above who just can't yet handle seeing a penis and then one for all women INCLUDING transwomen.  I mean, why not?  It could be done and I personally think it needs to.  Transwomen should not be excluded, for they may need healing just as much as the rape and abuse victims.  Hell, that's not even really the correct way to word it, for I know that there are transwomen who ARE victims/survivors of rape and abuse.  They need healing too and I cannot agree with anyone or anything that would flat-out deny them that healing just because, again, ZOMG! they committed the unforgivable sin of being born with man-parts.

*sigh*

So, yeah.  Those are my thoughts on this particular topic of discrimination.  I don't believe in discrimination period.  I find it all to be unnecessary and disheartening, but somehow it just hits closer when I see members of the Pagan community doing such.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me.  All I ask is that if you have a differing opinion, please voice it in a civil manner.  Believe it or not, being flambe'd was not exactly on my itinerary today.  LoL

3 more posts, including this one, and I'll be current on the PBP  ^_^

I liked the questions that were presented with this topic suggestion and it gives me the opportunity to discuss a little about when I did my dedication to Brighid.

Dedication is usually the first step when someone embarks down the path of Paganism.  Or it might be the step that someone takes when they dedicate themselves to a particular Deity, such as I did.  Dedication, in any form, means that you are taking upon yourself the task of actively learning your path, whether you are working as a solitary or as a student in a coven.

Myself, I've always wanted the opportunity to learn under the instruction of a coven.  I've never really had the chance to, unfortunately, but that's another post for another time.

In a traditional coven, the time that a dedicant must spend as a student is a year and a day before they can be officially initiated as a member of the coven.  I'm not sure of the beliefs of other people, but to my mind there is a difference between dedication and initiation.

As I stated before, a dedication is done to symbolize one's commitment to take upon themselves the task of learning all they can about their chosen path, learning how to practice, etc.  Initiation is more a ceremony that recognizes that one has obtained and earned their right to take their place among a coven, whether it's because they finished their year and a day or that they've been able to show that they possess enough knowledge and skill elsewhere to be able to join the coven as an official member.

Now, where the question of initiation comes to light is where it concerns solitaries.  I've seen some argue quite vehemently that there's no such thing as self-initiation, that you can only be initiated if it's being done with a coven.

I, personally, do not agree with that viewpoint.  Initiation, much like dedication, is an important symbolic rite of passage.  Dedication shows the commitment to begin and progress along your path; initiation shows the commitment to keep progressing and finding things to learn even after you've passed the basics and it shows that you've earned the right, basically, to call yourself a full-on witch.

That's not exactly how I wanted to put it, but I'm not quite sure how else to word it.  I hope my choice of words doesn't offend anyone.

Whether someone is in a coven or is a solitary practitioner, if they've put the time and effort to learn and practice and grow, they have every right to go through their initiation.  For some, such as myself, it's not always possible to be involved in a coven or even a circle, so solitaries have just as much a right to perform a self-initiation to recognize and celebrate their achievements as a dedicant.  They've earned the right to obtain that initial degree status if it's something that's important to them.

Anyway, getting back to the real topic at hand:  A dedication is a beautiful ceremony.  Whether it's committing oneself to the Pagan path or dedicating oneself to a specific Deity, it's a poignant and beautiful rite of passage.  Committing oneself to the path of the Goddess is no small thing and it's no small task.  Unfortunately for myself, I've not been able to put as much into it as I would like, but I'm still determined that that will change.

I did my dedication to my matron Goddess, Brighid, close to a year ago.  It wasn't overly grandiose -- I didn't have many supplies to work with, but I know that didn't matter to Her.  Brighid isn't exactly a grandiose Goddess Herself and I think she appreciates people making do with what they have available.  What comes from the heart is what matters the most.  I lit candles to celebrate the Esbat (this was on the Flower Moon last year) dedicated myself to Brighid, expressing my love for Her, my promise to keep Her in my heart, and to try to keep growing in my spirituality so that I could better serve Her.  As I previously said, I haven't been able to do as much as I've wanted, but now that life is really starting to settle down into better stability, I think I'll be able to.  I know She hasn't held it against me.  Always, I've felt Her patience and love, ready to encourage my progress as soon as I take the step to begin again.

One thing I want to do to further myself is to enroll again in WitchSchool.com and to try to complete the lessons, both on the site and in the 1st Degree book I got from them to FINALLY!!!!! obtain my 1st Degree level.  I've read several books over the years and have a pretty decent knowledge base, but I know I still have much to learn before I could comfortably consider myself in the 1st Degree and I'm still quite awkward in my practice whenever I manage to do a ritual.  Admittedly, I still have a long way to go in keeping consistency and discipline.

So, those are my thoughts on dedications and initiations as well as where I stand in the overall scheme of things.  I apologize if I've repeated myself too much.

Continuing to catch up on the Pagan Blog Project, I've chosen the topic of candles to finish up the C topics.

I fell in love with candles as a teenager before I ever knew of Paganism.  I was given my first candle set for Christmas in 2000 by my brother's in-laws when we went to Florida to visit for the holidays.  He must have told them I liked purple.  The candle was purple and came with a wooden shade box that had purple-shaded windows that looked like it was covered with purple tissue paper (which, obviously, it wasn't, but it looked cool).  When I got back home to Colorado and unpacked it from my travel case, I burned that candle incessantly.  I liked lighting it as I went to bed and lay there in the dark watching the light dance through the shade box (of course, I would blow it out when I felt that I could go to sleep).

That following Valentine's Day, my mother gave me a Gardenia-scented votive with a votive holder that comprised of a glass round-bottom cup made to look like the glass was cracked that sat in a metal holder.

Yes, I was effectively hooked.  To this day, I can't go through a mall without going through the Yankee Candle Company and smelling all the candles.  It's hard to leave a WalMart without snagging another 7-Day container candle (hey, they're only $5!).  I love scouring through thrift stores to see what kinds of candle holders they possess (I gleefully came home once from a thrift store I did some volunteering at last year with a bird cage-style votive holder that has a rose on it for like $3 -- that one sits on my altar as my Brighid candle-holder that I like to use for my Flamekeeping shifts).

I absolutely adore candles so, naturally, they are something I include in my rituals.  Yeah, I know.  Big shock there.  I can't actually think of any Pagan I know who doesn't use candles.

Candle magick is one of the things that I want to become more adept at in several ways.  I've used candle magick several times, whether it's to dispel negativity, to bring prosperity, healing, etc.  At some point, hopefully soon, I want to get into candle making.  I'd like to learn to make candles that have herbs and essential oils incorporated into the wax.  I've even thought of doing that as an Etsy business, but we'll see.  One step at a time.

I love the ways that candles can be incorporated into Paganism.  Really, the only limit to the use of candles is the limit that our imaginations provide.  Rituals, candle magick, using them in cleansing our houses/apartments, using them in the bathroom while we take a ritual bath, using them for meditation, even using them as a simple, witchy decoration around the house, the list goes on and on.  It's amazing how integral to our lives candles can be.

Continuing in my catching up with the Pagan Blog Project:

The first Pagan chant I ever heard is a long-time favorite of mine which I mentioned in my blog post about Brighid.  Before then whenever I'd read about chants, like how to incorporate them into ritual or I'd see the lyrics for a chant, I was still left going "?????".   I didn't know what a Pagan chant comprised of.  I had very vague knowledge of Buddhist chants, I knew of Gregorian chants, which I am very fond of, but Pagan chants?  That was something I had absolutely no clue.

I first heard Libana's "The Earth The Air The Fire The Water" over a year ago and I absolutely fell in love with it.  So simple and yet so vividly beautiful.  Like I said in my last post, it has that haunting beauty that reminds me of being in a richly lush forest.

Another favorite (and I have yet to meet any Pagan that doesn't favor this) is "We All Come From The Goddess".   I have many more favorites, including my absolute most favorite CD at this time,  "Moon Chants" by Marie Bruce.

Not only are the songs and chants absolutely soothing and beautiful, they are also aligned to the seasons of the year and in the insert there are suggestions as to what part of ritual they could be included.

I've yet to use any chants in ritual unless it's for background music, but I'd like to at some point.

I love the energy that chanting brings.  Of all Pagan music, chants are my favorite, though I also love regular pagan music like Kellianna and Jenna Greene.  Jenna, on her most recent album "Wild Earth Child" has the most BEAUTIFUL song to Brighid that I've ever heard and it is entitled "Brigid".

"Brigid" by Jenna Greene

You can listen to it and read the lyrics at that link.  It is a GORGEOUS song and I highly recommend Jenna's music.

All in all, I absolutely adore Pagan music, especially chants.  As I said, I love the energy that they bring and how they connect me to the Divine and allow me to express my love for them.  Much like Christians like having their worship music, so does this Busy Pagan.

Ugh.  I know this is ridiculously late but one again, I'm trying to get caught up on my PBP blogs.

The topic I have chosen should come as no surprise to those who know me as 1: Brighid is my matron Goddess and 2: The 2nd week of the B's came right before Imbolc, Brighid's sacred day.  At this point, Imbolc has already happened and, unfortunately,  I wasn't really able to do much of anything to honor her except to pray.  Many of my Pagan items ended up getting left behind when we moved (along with many other things).  I had no candles to light (which also doesn't help when my day for Flamekeeping comes up) and nothing to really work with.

What I did, however, even if it wasn't much, I found myself remembering when Brighid first made me aware of Her call.  I'd known of her for several years and she has long been one of my most favorite deities. However, I had many years where, though I had several that I favored, I did not feel that call that beckoned me to dedicate to any one particular deity.  A little more than a year ago I was working at a call center.  I'd brought my MP3 player to work with me so I could listen to it on my breaks.  I was trying to get into a habit of meditation which, admittedly, has yet to really take. 

I was listening to one of my most favorite chats, "The Earth The Air The Fire The Water" by Libana on one of my breaks.  When I closed my eyes to meditate, it didn't take long for images to present themselves.

Here's what I originally wrote about it in my LJ:

I bring my MP3 player to work with me for [meditation].  The day before yesterday I meditated here for the first time.  I put my headphones in and put my favorite chant on repeat (the one that I posted a video for the other day).

Whenever I hear this chant [the chant by Libana that I mentioned earlier], it evokes images of a misty, magickal forest to me.  Almost like what you'd see in the wilds of Washington state.  Leafy greens, ferns, and moss everywhere.  Everything the eye meets is lush and green.  The mist that rolls silently through the trees have a vivid energy of mystery, if that makes any sense.

So when I started to meditate with this music, I went with it.  I explored this lush forest, just reveling in the peace.  I could feel the moss and grass beneath my bare feet.  I wanted to dig my toes down into the soil.  I remember passing through the trees, touching every tree that I passed and it almost felt like they returned my greetings.

Then a surprise was waiting for me.

Now, before I go further, I need to make it clear that I've been thinking of the goddess, Brighid, a lot lately.  She's been one of my most favorite goddesses, but it's only been recent that I've started to feel this pull from her.

So in my meditation, as I was going just to see what I could find,  I unexpectedly came upon a woman waiting for me at a little creek that wound its way through the trees.  She was standing in the water and she beckoned me to her.  She had long, curly hair the color of flames that reached down to her waist.  She was dressed in a simple white dress that reached down to her shins, if I recall correctly.

Even as I meditated, I could feel goosebumps raise on my body and I didn't need to be told who this woman was supposed to be.  Brighid.  No words were spoken between us.  She merely took me by the hand and showed me things in the forest.  I don't remember much past this.  I could only focus on her.  Her warmth, and the love and kindness that radiated from her.

When my meditation ended, I remember feeling the expectation from her that I should visit her again soon.

Ever since then, i have been wanting to learn more about Brighid.  Though she is one of my favorite goddesses, I really don't know much about her.  I know what things she represents, how she was made a Catholic saint, etc.  But that was about it. 

I started looking up things about her yesterday on one of my breaks, but I still need to read more.  One thing that I did find interesting was that  she has a thing with rivers and streams.  I need to find this tidbit again, but it mentioned something concerning her that had to do with the rivers of the Underworld.  *facepalm*  I feel so idiotic for not remembering better.  But it struck me when I read that part because it was a stream where Brighid met me in my meditation.  It felt like a confirmation that I wasn't just daydreaming or making anything up.

It brought me comfort at that.

That still remains a very profound memory/meditation for me.  I know that how I'd written it out wasn't exactly the most eloquent.  Some of it was just really hard to put into words.

Living up to the name, things have been hellaciously busy.  So much so that, once again, I'm behind on the 44 Days Of Witchery AGAIN, and I'm uber behind on the Pagan Blog Project.  I'm hoping to start catching up on these this weekend *crosses fingers*.

Unfortunately, I'm also behind on my schoolwork  :-/   Not good.  My goal for today is to start getting caught up on things, but I think I'm going to drop the Creative Writing class for now.  I've got so much on my plate right now, it's ridiculous and, really, I should have waited on the CW class anyway until I passed the English Comp I class.  *facepalm* 

But I desperately need to get caught up in ECI and my Paralegal class.

With how things have been for the past several weeks, I have had a serious lack in motivation and have had to battle depression quite a bit.  It's not like things have been all bad.  But there's been quite a lot that has.   A few days after I posted my last blog post on here, I had a huge falling out with my family that we were living with  >.<  Which has resulted in us moving out from that house and living in a hotel again for a couple weeks.  Thankfully, we were able to move in to an apartment which I absolutely LOVE and then thereafter the time has been spent trying to get the place furnished.

I think things are finally going to settle down now *knocks on wood*.  I really hope so.  I can't afford to crash and burn where college is concerned and I DESPERATELY need a huge dose of motivation.  Very much so.

I know I keep lagging behind on the 44 DOW, but there has been, as usual, so much crap going on you wouldn't believe it.  House-hunting right now?  Ugh.  But something good will come our way.  I'm sure of it.

Anywho, getting on with it, the topic for day 4 is to post a picture of something in Nature.  The focus is to have the focus as being on the element of Water (anyone feel like giving me a resounding "Duuuuuuuh" yet? XD)

Water is my most favorite element.  I may be an air/earth sign (I'm on a cusp) but I'm a hardcore water baby.  I love rivers, lakes, and the ocean.  Especially the ocean.

I haven't yet gotten into the swing of things to make sure that I make these posts every day, but at least I haven't given up on it or totally flaked out, which I see to be a good thing.  Ergo, I'm not beating myself up overly much.

Today's topic is, as the title suggests, about the athame.  Unless someone is an uber beginner, just about every Pagan knows what an athame is and, typically, what purpose it serves.  But, just in case I've got someone (perchance) reading that doesn't know I'll give the abbreviated skinny.

An athame is a ritual knife used in ritual (I know; that was a little redundant).  One of the things the athame symbolizes in ritual is the masculine energies.  For instance, in fertility rituals, the athame's blade gets dipped into a chalice of wine (the chalice representing the feminine energies, of course) to symbolize the unity of the masculine and the feminine to bring forth life. Another use that the athame can have in ritual is during the casting of circle.  I've also seen athames used to draw invoking and evoking pentagrams in the air as a solute to the gods.

Traditionally it's a double-edged blade with a black wooden handle and is not meant for any sort of physical cutting (though some that I know of occasionally use the blade of their athame to let a little of their own blood if the spell calls for it; that just boils down to personal choice). The knife typically used for any sort of cutting (which typically ranges only to herbs) is called a boline, which traditionally carries a crescent-shaped single-edged blade like a small harvesting sickle.

Nowadays, many have opted to acquire athames that stray away from tradition.  My first athame was a small boot knife-styled blade, double-edged, and made from either silver or stainless steel (I can't remember which). Due to the fact that I had some bad memories tied to that athame, I chose to sell it to someone who could find better use from it.

As for what I'm hoping to get for my next athame?  I dunno, honestly.  I'm just going to wait until the right one presents itself to me.  I like daggers that look like miniature swords.  I like the idea of having an athame with a wooden handle, double-edged blade, and overall, I'd just like it to be something simplistic.  I don't need anything gaudy or overly ornate.

I'd love it if I could find an athame with the Triple Moon symbol on the handle.  I've seen a few of those.  The Triple Moon symbol or the Goddess symbol on the handle would be perfect for me  ^_^

I've got 5 followers!  :-D   That seriously makes my day!   Hi, everyone!  Thanks for following my blog!  Y'all are seriously awesome  >^.^<   Mi gusta!

I don't know if this would be a shocking thing for a Pagan to say, but I don't really know that many myths.  I mean, I have studied about a few different Pantheons ranging from the Egyptians to the Greeks and now to the Celts.  But maybe I don't necessarily look at those stories as being myths.  Even if they're like "The Iliad" where it could basically be bits of legend coupled with truth of actual events, I still see them as having at least some truth to them.  And if they don't, they're still wonderful, exciting stories.

I mean, come on, hearing about Zeus giving birth to Athena from his head?  That sounds pretty fantastical but also, to me, kinda funny.  If I recall correctly, Zeus felt threatened by what Athena was meant to do, so as soon as she was birthed from her mother, Zeus ate her.  But soon after consuming his daughter, he got such a headache that he called upon Hephaestus, the Olympian gods' smithcraft, to split open Zeus' head and out popped Athena -- fully-formed into adulthood and already clothed for battle.  One story in particular that I got a kick out of was how one of the gods played a prank on Zeus and basically made it to where Zeus copulated with a goat, which he doesn't realize until later.  Of course, the prank had rather disastrous results. The prank was spawned because Ol' Thunderbutt is a bit of a hardass anyway -- but the prankster, having already known that, should have realized that the humorless king of the Olympians would not have found it funny and, instead, would have sought vengeance for his humiliation.  If I'm not mistaken, that was how the Oneroi came to be, but don't quote me.  I just remember that it was an Oneroi who was involved.

However, before I really ever started to learn of these stories of the gods, there is one story from folklore that I have always rather cherished even as it is a really sad story.  As it stands, I saw the movie first and, currently, I am FINALLY able to read the book (LOVING it, btw; Since last night and much of my time today I have already read over 200 pages out of the 900 that are listed).

Some stories portray Morgan Le Fay as an evil woman, a sorceress probably about the same ilk as Lilith is portrayed.  But historians of men are rarely kind to strong women, especially when those chauvinists have the power of the early Christian cloth to make their false words into something for all fearful people to be obeyed and accepted blindly as truth.

The book and movie that I am speaking of, of course, would be "The Mists of Avalon" by Marion Zimmer Bradley.  And, naturally, I love the decidedly Pagan theme of the book.  I appreciated the amount of research that Marion did in creating this story and I was thrilled to see how many Pagans she consulted so as to have as correct a perspective on the Pagan rites back in those days. People like Isaac Bonewits, Morning-Glory Zell, and even Starhawk's book "The Spiral Dance" were mentioned.  Perhaps it's silly that seeing them mentioned should make me so giddy, but knowing how much she researched Paganism for this book made me appreciate it even more.  It's almost like reading a truly Pagan novel.

Anyway, getting back to the point.  Stories like this are what I like to hear in regards to Morgaine Le Fay.  Even the few things I was able to find about her on the internet seem to reflect that she was actually a kind woman seeking to do the work of the Goddess, not some evil sorceress out to bring about the downfall of King Arthur and Camelot or Merlin.

I think my favorite part of the book and the movie is when it talks about how she was raised.  I particularly appreciated this part of the movie as it shows Morgaine growing up in training to be a priestess, learning magick, herb lore (I especially loved that brief glimpse of the kitchen area that showed all the herbs being hung for drying), and, of course, passing the test to part the mists.

As much as I love this story, it's also quite saddening to see how wrong all their lives went.  As much as I love this story, to me it shows an example of what happens when one manipulates others as Viviane, the Lady of the Lake, had done.  Oh, I know it was to try to ensure a good future for Avalon and Britain, but I think all her meddling (like how Igraine came to be with Uther, causing Morgaine to unwittingly lie with her little brother for the Great Rite of Beltane, etc) caused a great deal of harm even despite her best intentions.  As it is said,  "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Still, through it all, I can see how Viviane tried her best, loved the Goddess and loved her family.  Both she and Morgaine were the biggest reasons that I love this story.  Their lives aren't easy, but they learn and try to make the best out of their situations.

That's what I take from it anyway.

Like many Pagans in my acquaintance, I was raised in a Christian household. "The Wizard of Oz", "Bedknobs and Broomsticks", and "Bewitched" were perfectly acceptable, but "Harry Potter" was of the devil. I went to a Bible college after high school that turned out to be a less-than-pleasant experience. Those nearly-two years were what made me decide that I'd had enough of so-called "Christians" that act nothing like the Christ. I'd seen people start at that school behaving very kindly for the most part but then turn into horrid, judgmental jerks as time went on. There was this one dude named Sam who seemed to think that it was so holy to tell my roommate (I'll just refer to her as R) that a friend of hers who had committed suicide had gone to hell. Yes, asshat, Comfort one another with those words. I'd wanted to punch him because his torrid insistence very greatly upset R and it's not even a belief I've ever been able to subscribe to.
There was this other gal who had started out one of my most favorite people there (I'll refer to her as J). She used to be so nice to me and she was a very happy, bouncy, and hyper person. I used to love being around her. But as time went on, hers was the change that was the most horrible. She became someone who was so uptight, stick up her ass, judgmental, and haughty. At one point during the second year I was having to deal with a very bad sickness. It was like the cold that wouldn't go away. I'd feel the cold coming on, I'd get full-blown sick for a couple weeks, finally get better and be fine for about a week and then it would start all over again. It was an absolutely MISERABLE few months. Well, one afternoon a bunch of us had congregated at my former roommate's apartment for a study group. I looked at R and told her that I could feel this sickness coming back on me.
Well, despite the fact that it was a private conversation, J apparently overheard me and butted her oh-so-holy nose in to tell me in a very snotty, hoity-toity voice, "Well, quit calling it on yourself!"
-_- Gee. Thanks, bitch. I was SO comforted and that was UBER helpful.
Even now, all these years later, that shit still burns quite honestly. J is one of the main reasons why I don't label myself a Christian anymore. Even as a Pagan, I look at God the same as I did when I was a Christian, I still believe in Christ, but it's like that bumper sticker: "I'm fine with God; it's His fan-club I can't stand."
Hell, Gandhi couldn't have put it any better when he said "I like your Christ, I just don't like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Aaaaaaanywho, getting past the bitter stuff, a few months after I left the school I was in a store not far from where I lived and I stumbled across a book. It was a spell book specifically for helping someone in regards to sleeping and dreams. I remember feeling a curious surprise as I paged through the book. None of the magick that I saw in there had anything to do with trying to cause someone else harm, killing cats for Halloween, or eating children. Nothing in there about hexes or curses. Oh, I wasn't dumb enough to think that stuff like that didn't happen, but this was a stark contrast to what I'd always been brought up to believe about witchcraft.
That piqued my interest for sure.
At first I had no idea what to start reading to learn more, but I eventually was introduced to Silver Ravenwolf's books. And, while I know that her books tend to be very controversial, she was still a good start for me. She cleared up a lot of the questions and misgivings I initially had and enabled me to get my foot in the door to learn more progressively. However, my very most favorite Pagan author is Ellen Dugan. Her book Elements of Witchcraft: Natural Magick for Teens was the first book of hers that I ever read and, even though I wasn't a teenager when I first read it, I found it to be a delightful book for any beginner to read no matter what the age range.
There are several authors I enjoy reading, though (as previously mentioned), I'm not exactly practiced yet. Practice-wise, I'm still a newbie. Between my own lack of self-discipline to keep at trying to practice along with life situations that have prevented it from being a possibility? Yeah. I've still got a long way to go.
Druid has been trying to help me progress. He's got a copy of The Complete Book of Witchcraft by Raymond Buckland (or Uncle Bucky as we jokingly refer to him as) and I've got the first book in the WitchSchool.com series that I've been wanting to go through (and I very much enjoy listening to the "Pagans Tonight!" radio show that's put on by the WitchSchool crew). But, like I said, life has not exactly seen us in situations where we really could work on it more.

 
One thing I'm very much wanting to focus on is also raising our children in Paganism. I grew up in Christianity and that was about as easy as going to church every Sunday, reading the Bible and the occasional devotional, etc. Really, there wasn't much to it and, of course, the materials for Christian parenting abound. Pagan Parenting, on the other hand, is not as prevalent. There aren't very many books geared toward Pagan children or, even, Pagan Parenting.
So, bearing that in mind, I have been badly wanting to find a family-oriented coven to be a part of. I'd tried that at the last place I'd lived and…..it didn't go so well. They seemed like really nice, welcoming people. We got to enjoy two Sabbats with them (Beltane and Midsummer) and then after that we basically got shunned because, as they so put it, "We have two coven members who work at DHS and they could be fired if they were found to be socializing with DHS clients outside of work," the aforementioned DHS clients being us of course. I'd written about that on my Pagan Mommy blog and the people who commented as well as Druid all thought that that was a bunch of hooey. But what could we do? *shrug* As much as it hurt back then, I'm over it at this point and hoping that we can find a coven to belong to here.
One of the big disappointments about that coven not working out was because the kids and done so well at the rituals! I was thrilled enough for myself to be able to take part, but my biggest happiness and pride came from watching my children participate. Aspen, my oldest, got to have a big part of the Midsummer ritual (he got to represent the element of Earth and be the Gnome for the ritual) and he did so good with it, I almost cried! I wanted to be part of that not only for my own learning but also for the kids. That coven placed a big emphasis on including children in ritual that I really thought that it would have been a good fit for us. But considering the way that life went down several months later, I suppose it was for the best that we ultimately were not welcomed into the group. Our abrupt departure would have been quite disruptive to the balance and they didn't need that.
So I am hoping to be able to find a coven here that we can join. I think it would not only be a huge help for me in becoming more practiced but also to help me to learn how to raise my children in the Craft. They really enjoyed the Sabbat rituals and I think it was beneficial to them to get to be around other children being raised in Paganism as well.
In the meantime, Druid and I will have to just figure it out by ourselves. I know he knows more about Pagan Parenting than I do, but having other people to be around would just be incredibly helpful.

 
Well, I suppose that wraps up this first entry for the 44 Days of Witchery challenge. I'm really hoping to do better at keeping up with it than I did at my last attempt of it.

Ok, ok. I kind of horked this idea from one of my LiveJournal friends. Lenni had written about how she takes a ritual bath every night before she goes to bed and how she uses it as a time for communing with the gods, cleansing away all the crap from the day, etc. I'm not gonna lie: I'm not a shower-every-day kind of girl. But the idea of taking a nice, soothing bath every night before bed? Love!
However, I seriously need to start trying to find a way to manage my time better. I very much lack good time management skills, which really sucks. I might not be as much of a Busy Pagan if I were to set up a good time management plan and stick to it. Seriously, people, I need better organizational skills.
Even Druid, bless his heart, has tried getting me to stick to a schedule for doing things and……well, I kinda bombed at it. >.< Ugh. I get so stuck on something I'm doing or I allow myself too much laziness and it all goes to hades.
Buuuuuuut, getting back to the topic at hand: I know I would have many benefits from setting the time aside every night to have a bath. I think it would go a long way to helping deal with stress and improving my health, I think it would give me a lot of much-needed time with God and Goddess. I'd even love to learn how to make some herbal washes like what Rowan Pendragon was describing in the Newsletter she issued for the PBP for this week. I've wanted to get a coffee brewer for the express purpose of brewing herbal infusions and other things of the like, but that's something else that's going to have to wait.
Really, though, I could use my electric kettle for such things and let the herbs steep in a loose-leaf tea ball (need to buy one of those, though).
Tala

I'm not gonna lie: I don't have any voluntary experience with Astral Projection and I've only been able to read a bit about it. This isn't going to be a blog post about what I know about it, because, really, this is one of those areas where book knowledge isn't going to take me nearly as far as actually experiencing it would.
Several years before I ever even heard of Paganism, Wicca or anything else of the like, I still had a hefty interest in the paranormal. An old friend of mine, with whom I spent much of my juvenile years, had a very open mind and was blessed to be with a family that seemed to encourage it of her. It was because of this friend that I even heard of Astral Projection and it was also because of her that I first got my glimpse that things like Tarot cards are not as great an evil as I'd been brought up to believe.
She had this book that talked about it and I was quite fascinated with the idea of having an Out of Body Experience (OBE). We even made an attempt of it and, being the ornery teenagers that we were, we got a kick out of the idea of showing up to her younger cousin in ghost-like forms like what the book had described.
However, the techniques listed in the book for trying to achieve Astral Projection did not work. Seriously, there just was not much chance that we'd have been able to quiet our minds down enough like what the book described. Come on. We were teenagers and we had not been raised with any sort of meditational discipline. Hell, even at nearly 30 years of age I still haven't quite whipped myself into shape where that's concerned.
If I ever am able to Astral Project voluntarily, there is a lot that I would love to do. Now, I don't exactly know what all is possible when one does that. I've heard that one can travel back in time, speak with your loved ones that have passed on, see your Akashic Records, etc. I would love to do all of that. I would love to meet my spirit guides on the Astral Plane, and I would love to experience an Astral Shift.
I'm a Therian (Grey Timberwolf) and it's a very dear part of my personal spirituality. And one of the types of shifts I would love to experience would be Astral Shifting – where I basically shift my Astral body into a wolf. I've talked to a few different Therians who have experienced that and I think it'd be a pretty awesome thing to experience, especially to see what lessons I could learn.
I've mentioned before that I've never experienced Astral Projection on a voluntary basis, but I know I've experienced it on an involuntary one, but I usually don't even realize that that's what's happening until I'm jolted awake by that feeling of falling. I typically have a very difficult time remembering my dreams, so I couldn't even begin to tell you anything I saw or experienced during those occasions. I used to try to keep a dream journal and I know I need to get back into the habit of it – but it's hard to when you can't even remember what you dreamed. I know that there's the typical advice of "Keep your dream journal by your bed so you can record your dreams down as soon as you wake up" and all, but when I wake up, it's usually time to spring out of bed, get the kids ready for school, and begin my day. By the time I'd have the available time to write down any dreams, they are usually long gone from my memory. It can be very frustrating.
But I will try to start doing better to remember my dreams. Perhaps if I can start practicing that again and setting my mind before I go to sleep to remember my dreams, perhaps I will be able to recall an involuntary Astral travel experience.
How cool would that be? Especially if I can set my mind before such an occurrence to request to meet my spirit guide(s). That could be awesome.
Tala

1. What’s your witchy background? 
2. A myth or story from folklore. 
3. Witchy tools: athame.
4. Picture of nature (water element).
5. A favourite Goddess. 
6. A favourite God. 
7. Air element.
8. A photo of a magical place outdoors. 
9. A favourite mythological animal.
10. Your sun sign.
11. Witchy tools: oils.
12. Picture of nature (air element).
13. What are some of the witchy books that influenced you?
14. A favourite pagan holiday that you celebrate. 
15. Thoughts on the afterlife?
16. Favourite witchy website(s).
17. Picture of nature (fire element).
18. Have you had any paranormal experiences?
19. Fire element.
20. A picture of a tarot or oracle card, and its meaning. 
21. A favourite scent.
22. Current moon phase.
23. A favourite candle.
24. Your moon sign.
25. How do your close ones feel about your witchy path? Do they know? Why or why not? 
26. A witchy podcast.
27. Picture of nature (earth element).
28. A picture of a witchy I-Want-It-Now!
29. Water element.
30. Witchy tools: wand.
31. A favourite pagan/witchy movie.
32. A pagan/witchy artwork. 
33. Faerie of your choice.
34. Rune of your choice.
35. Something that I think people who don’t know much about paganism/witchcraft should know. 
36. Flower of your choice, and its magical properties.
37. A famous pagan/witch!
38. Witchy tools: cauldron.
39. Something that inspires you.
40. Your altar, if you have one!
41. A spell you’ve done.
42. A favourite nature spirit.
43. A magical recipe.
44. Witch’s choice!

On my last blog I had started the "44 Days of Witchery Challenge" as posted by The Domestic Pagan, but I never really got to finish it.  So, in addition to the Pagan Blog Project, I'm going to make another attempt at the 44 Days of Witchery again.

I'm also going to be doing posts for the first 3 topics for the Pagan Blog Project.  It's too late to submit them for the blog roll, but at least I'll have them done.  ^_^

Don't let the line under the blog title fool you:  While I may feel spiritually starved, it's not because I don't place my spirituality as an important priority within my life.  I try to integrate my spirituality very firmly in my life even if I hardly ever seem to have the time, energy, etc. to do what I want to in order to further my growth beyond what it is.  And?  I'm not going to lie: I feel kinda stunted.  For someone who's been a Pagan for the better part of 10 years, I haven't progressed very much beyond book learning.  Which is sad.  Really sad.  For me, anyway.  I know I'm not the only Pagan to be in this particular place.

I have quite a bit of book knowledge as well as knowledge that, basically, are my own conclusions based off what I've learned.  But, as anyone knows, you can be book-learned to the Nth degree but that doesn't make one practiced.

I can read books galore as to how to perform a heart surgery but does that make me qualified to do so?  Nuh uh.

This isn't my first Pagan blog here on Blogger.  I used to have The Journey of a Pagan Mommy blog.  But my life has changed a lot in the months since I last wrote in it (and I just deleted that blog today) and it felt to me that I needed a new start.  I felt as though trying to go back to that blog would be like keeping a tie to the life that I just left behind and I have no interest in maintaining that tie.

Also the fact that my former blog had encouraged a narrow focus on only one aspect of my life, I wanted to embrace a format that I could feel comfortable in writing about EVERYTHING.

Have you ever been on a message board where there where the Topic Police that would squelch you in a split second if they felt that you talked about anything that was even an iota Off Topic?

I kinda felt that way personally with my last blog, and I know that's stupid.  The only one restricting me was me.  But still.  I wanted a fresh start and to start with something where I could feel more open to write about everything going on.  My college classes, parenting my children and trying to raise them in Paganism, my personal daily struggles to incorporate Paganism into my life and to try to progress beyond the Beginner level of practice.

Where my life was at with my last blog, I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall.  I had even found a family-oriented coven in the area that I had BADLY wanted to join and, for whatever reason, they seemed welcoming at first and then they turned around and shunned me and my family.  They had claimed that because I was involved with the local DHS (as in I was a client) and they had people that worked at DHS that could get fired if it was found that they were socializing with clients outside of work that they could be fired.

The people who commented on that post as well as my boyfriend, Druid, were quite confused at that and some even called bullshit.  Hell.  After a while I did too.  But, whatever.  Beyond memories, it is long past being irrelevant.

Now I have been able to leave just about everything bad from my old life behind.  Oh don't get me wrong, things aren't sunshine and rainbows.  There are still some things that I'm currently having to deal with that are EXTREMELY stressful.  But being that I've gotten to come to a better place and I feel like I can start healing, I have better faith that we'll make it through this crap somehow and we're going to be ok.

I'll just REALLY feel better when it all is completely behind me.

And in the spirit of starting anew, I'm signing this blog up for the Pagan Blog Project 2012.  I've already missed the first 2 weeks, but I can still do the entries for them even if they can't be counted and submit an entry for Week 3.

I want to do something to try to bring my spirituality to a more centralized focus.  That is my problem.  I'm a flibbertigibbet Gemini/Taurus who has time management problems as well as self-discipline issues.  And I know that, without those tools, I'm not going to be a very effective Witch.